My Family Photos

Hi there...this is me. Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart a lot.

This is my mom. She has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.

This is my brother Hank. He is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.

My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. Shes smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.

My mom says she is almost positive this is my dad. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.

This is my dads truck. The blood stains inside are almost all gone.

My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.

We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is only 27 and already in the 4th grade. He wants to be a Doctor and can write his own name.

My half brother JimBob and his wife. She is a hottie. They raise Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.

Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He once went 53 days without taking a bath.

This is Buck. He is my second cousin. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.

This is my sisters boyfriend for now. His name is Larry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city. My sister says he has a hairy butt.

This is Michael. He used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate. I still wear his underwear.

These are 2 kids we throw stuff at. There used to be 3 of them. Mom says we can't throw heavy stuff no more.

Jake holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed alot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmit.

My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesn't know what he wants in life anymore. He is a Veitnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.

This is my step brother Phil. He had a hunting accident years ago. The bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It's hard to understand him sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.

This is my twin brother Bert. I hate him. We were born 4 minutes apart. Bert made medical history when he fell out of my mom's butt during birth.

My great grandmother is lots of fun. She still chews tobacco and rides a bicycle. Grandma dates younger men with teeth and likes to wear her home made thongs.

This is my uncle Leroy. He was arrested on the parking lot at Burger King with no clothes on. Uncle Leroy must really love hamburgers.

My friend Steward always wanted a fire truck for Christmas. On Christmas Eve when he was asleep we set his trailer on fire. Steward had more fire trucks for Christmas then he knew what to do with.

One of my mom's boyfriends. He has a butt infection that makes him fart alot. I think he caused our dog Rebel to die.

My step sister Lilly works at the chemical plant down by the river. She is 22 years old and her tongue is always green.

This is my sister Molly. Mom said she just showed up at our trailer home one day and never left. The dog catchers are after her because she bit the mailman. She loves to drink water from the toilet bowl.

My cousin Eddie went to New York this summer. A piece of the Statue Of Liberty fell off and hit him in the head. Eddie now has the I.Q. of a tomato plant.

Buford is my brother-in-law. He likes to show off around girls by drinkin old motor oil. His doctor told him to wear a diaper. Buford also eats his own earwax.

We found Willy sleeping under our trailer one night. He talks to us by grunting. Mom is teaching him to use a fork and toilet paper. I think my mom has the hots for him.

When Erol was 7 years old he sucked on the exhaust pipe of a school bus for over an hour. He tells everyone he is Scooby Doo. He can roll over and fetch a small stick.

This is my half brother Boomer. Boomer is going to be a policeman one day. He already patrols the interstate and stops the bad people. Some of them folks are still locked up in the barn.

Walt dates my grand mom. He grows pumpkins on 7 acres of land. He likes chasing grand mom through his pumpkin patch in his underwear.

This is my 3rd cousin Smitty. Smitty works in a dog collar factory in the city. He works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. Every electric dog collar is tested on Smitty before they are shipped to the store.

Uncle Matt was just released from prison. The judge told Matt if he uses jumper cables on anymore farm animals he will go back to jail. Matt wants to be a Preacher at our local church.

This is my sister's boyfriend Paul. He is running for Mayor in the city. He hates kids and old people. Our neighbor Mrs. Dot is taking him to court for spitting on her baby. He also wants to ban wheelchairs in the city.

My half brother Todd fell through the ice last winter and was under water for 7 hours. The fire department hooked him in the mouth and dragged him to shore. He can't talk anymore but can blow big snot bubbles with his nose.

Father Jacob is the preacher at our church. He says that soap,toothpaste, and deodorant are the work of the devil. My mom washes his underwear and says he has skidmarks real bad.

Aunt Dolly is HOT. I saw her in her underwear one day and it made me warm all over. Last Christmas she kissed me on my mouth.

Clyde cuts the grass in our trailer park. He has lots of pimples on his back and some of them are white. Clyde sweats alot in the summer and smells like onions.

I feel sorry for Uncle Sonny. He has that brain disease and doesn't know who he is. He tells people he lives in Hong Kong and his name is Elmer Fudd. Uncle Sonny loves to pee in the snow.

My mom's friend Lola is still in jail. The Sheriff caught her in the barn doing something with a goat. She doesn't like it when you talk about her adams apple.

Ernie is our mailman and he likes my mom. Mom says he wants to give her a special delivery whatever that means. We think he stole mom's underwear off the clothes line.

This is my friend Steve. Steve has a condition that makes him pee in his pants when he is around girls. The doctors said when he goes through puberty the problem should stop. Until then he has to wear rubber underwear.

My second cousin Barb scares me. She never smiles and always carries a knife. Last summer someone cut off our pigs head and ate his eyeballs. She threatened to cut off my Jimmyjang if I mention the knife to anybody.

Dean use to date one of my sisters. She doesn't like him anymore and says he is weird. One night when they were fooling around he wrapped her in plastic and beat her with a stick.

These are my aunts. They won the Spam eating contest at the county fair 3 years in a row. The one in the middle makes fart noises when she walks.

Boo Boo is one of my cousins. My mom caught him peeking in the trailer window when she was on the toilet. He said he was looking for the cat. We don't have a cat.

This is my grandfather Pappy. He was in the Navy during World War 2. Pappy fell off the ship one night when he was drunk and a shark bit off his left foot. When he visits us the trailer smells like sardines.

Me and Skip go to school together. When Skip was little his dad hit him in the head with a iron frying pan. Our teacher said he is just as smart as a rubber ball.

Tony is a friend of my brother. He gets all the girls he wants. Tony tells them he works for the C.I.A. and does top secret stuff. He likes to frisk my older sister Jill for weapons.

Jason lives 3 trailers down the road. His mom and dad are worried about him. He still drinks milk from a bottle and his poop is still yellow. I showed him how to use a Yo-Yo.

My friend Tom says that when he grows up he wants to be a Librarian. He said that Librarians learn lots of neat stuff in the books that they have there, plus he likes the way the old books smell.

These are my kinfolk Sue Ann, Butch, and their little girl Cindy Lou.... They got these clothes at the good will store then went to the big department store at the mall to have this fancy foto took.

Our next door neighbor in the trailer park is not allowed to visit any more since we caught him playin naked with the dog last summer.

Norman sent this photo of himself into Jerry Springer, and now he has a free round trip ticket to a big city called Chicago where he is gona meet with Jerry Springer on the TV.

John and Anthony shaved funny stuff in their chest hair. Pa says that means they are going steady now!

Last week we had a cookout for the entire trailer park, Earl had this great idea to feed everyone quicker.

Everyone in the trailor park went horseback riding last month, but they wouldn't let Bertha ride a horse for some reason.... so she just sat and watched us ride.

Aunt Billie Jean and Uncle Billy Bob recently got married! They had the weddin' outside since the Church was being fumigated again.

This is a photo of all the Groomsmen. Uncle Tyler wore the wrong color tie (he still hasn't quit smokin' yet), Cousin Frank forgot his Tie back in the trailer park, and Billy Bob (The Groom) forgot his good store bought shoes!

Aunt Billie Jean was such a blushing bride that day.....(we took the photos in front of Burts Truck repair shop)

Uncle Billy Bob was so happy, you can tell from the expression on his face.

They make such a lovely couple, and mama says it's okay for second cousins to get hitched nowdays.....

Aunt Billie Jean told me she can't wait to "Get 'er some".... I'm not sure what she meant by that

We thought that Aunt Billie Jean would cry at the weddin', but it turned out that Uncle Billy Bob is the sensitive one!

This is my Aunt Fran's dog. Aunt Fran really loves all of the Superman movies so she dresses her dog up in this costume every time she takes him on a walk. She named him Clark after Clark Kent. I don't think he likes it too much, he bites Aunt Fran every chance he gets, I don't blame him.

Speaking of Dogs. This is was my nephew Bruno's prom date when he graduated 6th grade from middle school. None of the girls from his school would go to prom with him, so he dressed up this bitch in sexy underware. They got threw out of the prom right after the first dance.

This is Sally and Steven. They told me I could go to the drive in movie with them last summer if I drove. I didn't enjoy it too much 'cause they made me stay in the trunk during the entire movie. They were making all sorts of slurping sounds so I didn't even get to hear the movie from inside the trunk.

During vacation last year, my friend Brian pooped for 3 days non-stop after he ate this 6 pound hamburger with all the fixin's. He can't wait till we visit New York City again so he get another one.

Jimmy recently got hit by lightning during a storm because he was outside flying a kit trying to act like Ben Franklin. He didn't get the key on the end of the kite string to make any spark, but he sure did spark for quite a few hours! He can't get his hair to go back to normal no matter how hard he trys.

This is Gerald. He does not like to wear clothes, even in the winter. On special occasions he will put underware on, and if it is 'specially cold outside he will even put a hat and socks on before going outside. His wife left him 5 years ago. He does not get many visitors at his house since the pizza delivery episode, but the judge says we are not allowed to talk about that until the trial is over..

This is a photo from when I learned First Aid at the local swimming cement pond. Glenda was teaching everyone mouth to mouth resuscitation that day. She didn't even charge nuthin for the lessons. She gave some people two lessons if they wanted. (I had to look up "resuscitation" in the dictionary to know how to spell it)

This is Suzie. She gets real excited when she smells donuts.

We had a beauty contest in our trailer park and the winner was Pat! Mom says he is taking special medicine from the doctors so he can grow up to be a girl.

These are my relatives from Canada. They tell me the laws in Canada are different up there and they can ride their bikes with no clothes on. I tried it in our trailer park and Mom yelled at me, plus she made me scrub my bike seat with soap for nearly an hour after I did that. I won't do it again.

My buddy Jeremy can hold his breath for almost 5 minutes. He can't remember his phone number or where he lives anymore, so he wears a nametag from the petstore.

Claire like to lick strangers. She says that she can tell if they are nice or not by how they taste.

Cousin Denise likes to make her own under arm deodorant instead of store bought deodorant. She eats alone at school a lot!

This is the Munroe Brothers, Ralph and Alf. At least twice a year everyone in the trailer park forces them to take a bath (even if they don't need it). Last year it scared them so bad, we had a hard time catchin' them this year.

On the left are my Mom's other kids from her first boyfriend Ted. Their names are Jackson and Daniel. They are standing with "Papa Ted". "Papa Ted" and his wife Rose let Daniel keep that bow tie he's wearing (Dan borrowed it from them). He's got it framed now.

Aunt Bertha's second son Davey acted up in class the other day. He had to sit in the corner with this funny 'learning hat on for an hour. Teacher said it will learn him to be usin' bad grammar 'round these parts.

This is my first cousin Freddy. He says he really likes it when Grandma comes to visit and pinches his cheeks. He says it makes him feel tingle down by his belt. (But I'm not supposed to tell Grandma)

This was my 5th grade teacher, Mr. Jonathan. He liked to pretend he was a dog and drink using his tongue. He would also scratch behind his ear using his foot sometimes. He went to another school to work.

This is my Aunt Janet. She is really proud of her teeth, she don't have no filling or anything. She has all 32 teeth (which is more than all my other Aunties put together!)